


All or Nothing

by Ghost_droid



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Hurt, Kylos sad, Multi, Oneshot, Polyamory, Solo triplets, Triplet! Kylo, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 10:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11416398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_droid/pseuds/Ghost_droid
Summary: You're trying to make it work with the Solo brothers but one is making it particularly hard





	All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yeah a one shot for you guys because I found it in my journal from who knows when lol

Lately you'd been feeling very alone, which was a hard feat to meet when you were in a relationship with three people.  
Ben, Matt, and Kylo were an odd set of triplets you'd known since childhood, to your dismay you'd started crushing on all three of them a few years back, but to your surprise not only did they return your feelings, but you were just what they were looking for.  
They explained they liked to share everything, that included partners, suddenly their past relationships made a lot more sense to you. You'd been a little on the fence about it at first, deciding to take it slow, you'd been scared it wouldn't work but as you all got used to it all you grew to love your joint relationship.  
Matty had been your best friend since you were young, he was the first you'd started to feel for before you all got together. You both geeked out over things like Buffy and comic books, when you started dating not much changed but now Agents Of Shield marathons turned into full blown make out sessions.  
Ben was still super flirty, he always had been which had drawn you towards him as well. He used to go out and have a lot of flings which deterred you from pursuing your feelings and later contributed a lot to your hesitance in the beginning of your relationship. But after you defined your relationship with him and his brothers, he only had eyes for you...Okay they still tended to wander, that was just Ben, but he always assured you that you were the only one he loved and the only one he'd go to bed with, and he showed you on multiple occasions just how serious he was about these statements.  
Then there was Kylo.  
There'd always been something between you as long as you could remember, you'd just never been able to define it until you came to terms with your feelings for all three of them.  
Kylo was dark and passionate, he'd shown you whole new sides of himself not through love and sex alone, but word.  
He used to write you beautiful poetry, he'd read it in his deep gorgeous voice, wooing you, even if it's cliche you really did feel like the only person in the world sitting in his dimly lit bedroom.  
But Kylo was also the head of the trio, the oldest of the three by six minutes, he made the rules and even if it was begrudgingly, his brothers usually followed.  
Ben usually bitched about this, but still knew in the end Kylo usually had all your interests in mind, they were basic things just like any other relationship, you weren't allowed to have sex with other people obviously, but just to keep things fair you weren't allowed to play favorites.  
Now the first was no issue, you'd always been very loyal in relationships but sometimes you did break the second.  
You could hang out and go on dates with them individually but you couldn't neglect two in favor of one. Sometimes you came off as playing favorites with Matt, but in your defense you'd been best friends so long you knew each other the best and hung out a lot to begin with, but you both agreed to try to include Ben and Kylo more so they wouldn't feel so left out.  
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until Kylo started acting...distant.

Kylo had always had emotional issues, he had a hard time sharing and that was okay, you understood when he needed space and when he needed to talk. You were worried because he never wanted to talk anymore, he was rushing off late at night and not coming home for days at a time.  
You'd wanted to confront him but Matt and Ben tried to assure you it was just Kylo being Kylo.

"The guy basically drips with angst."

Ben joked and Matt said Kylo would be fine eventually. You knew sometimes he needed to do his own thing, sort out his issues alone, but Matt and Ben were so quick to get your mind off it it felt like they knew more than they were letting on, like they were hiding something from you.  
It hurt but you tried to understand that sometimes their brotherly bond came first, you just hoped they'd tell you what was going on soon.  
Not long after the fighting started.  
They'd keep quiet at first, tiptoeing around issues as if not to make you suspicious, you'd catch Ben or Matt pulling Kylo aside, he was looking more disheveled these days, they'd scold him for things no matter how much you strained you couldn't quite catch.  
Then it moved on to you, Kylo would get irritated with you over the smallest things, you tried to apologize but it just made it worse. Eventually you retaliated in frustration, he always relished in it, like it had been what he wanted all along.  
He stopped touching you, it used to feel like you couldn't keep his hands off you but now he barely gave your body a second glance.  
He wasn't eating, barely sleeping, refusing his anti depressants, on top of it all Ben and Matt still tried to act like it wasn't a big deal.  
It made you feel like they thought you were stupid, you were sick of being left in the dark about Kylo, you'd have to find answers yourself.  
You'd found them on his phone, he'd left it open on the counter while he grabbed something from upstairs, it pinged with a message, you tried not to think much of it until it did it again and you couldn't help yourself, you were driving yourself crazy over how he'd been acting.  
You felt bad snooping, you never wanted to be that kind of lover, paranoid and nosy, but you read the text anyway.  
The text was very explicit, as you scrolled up many of them were, Kylo acted like he barely had time for you, but apparently he had all the time in the world for this Hux guy he was texting.  
Hux..you recognized it, he'd brought him over to study a few times or at least that's what he said, the phone shook in your hand at the implication, you were furious.  
You confronted him immediately, you usually tried to think more rationally but that was all out the window, you were hurt and angry. You cornered him in the Kitchen showing the proof, he fired back at you for snooping in his things, but you refused to back down.  
“You laid down rules when we all got together, this is a basic rule to any relationship and you fucking broke it Kylo!”  
“Those rules are for you, not me!”  
You gaped at him, Matt and Ben stood behind you as they'd come to see what all the yelling was about.  
“Oh so I have to follow your rules like some pet? You can just go off and fuck whoever but I have to stay home and be good?”  
“You have Matt and Ben.”  
“I love them too but you made a commitment with them! I thought we were all making this work but you're out having sex with someone else!”  
“Who says I've had sex with him?”  
“Have you?”  
He kept a stern face but broke eye contact, remaining quiet, that's all the answer you needed.  
“I can't believe you, are you even going to apologize?”  
“I don't have to apologize, I don't owe you anything.”  
When he said it it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself more than you.  
“I guess I don't owe you anything either, I'm tired of being treated like this, I'm breaking up with you.”  
Matt and Ben protested but you proceeded up the stairs to collect your things from their rooms.  
“You can't do that, you can’t break up with me, if you break up with me you break up with all of us.”  
You froze mid step, your eyes ached and watered as you wanted to burst into tears  
“That means no more Matt, no more Ben, no more me.”  
You looked back, Kylo’s face held anger, but there was something else there, it was in his brothers faces too.  
Fear.  
They were scared so Kylo thought he could scare you into staying, Ben and Matt hadn't went as far as he did but this wasn't healthy, they'd shown they were willing to lie to you,even if they thought it was to spare your feelings they'd rather lie than talk to you and actually solve an issue, they were involved in covering this up, they'd brought this on themselves.  
“Then I guess I'm breaking up with all of you.”  
You took your things and did your best to ignore their reasoning and pleading, Matt followed you all the way out to the driveway but even he couldn't heal your pain right now, you slammed your car door and drove off.

It's been months.  
Matt and Ben still tried to talk to you, they'd apologized and you'd forgiven them but you still hadn't seen each other, you were still hurt.  
Matt told you Kylo got self destructive sometimes, you knew that, they'd tried to hide it hoping they could fix it but it just didn't work out in their favor.  
Maybe if you had all done it together it could have.  
They wanted you back, you missed them, you missed Kylo even after all he'd done to you, but he didn't show any signs of feeling the same, so you refused under the condition you'd only come back if Kylo genuinely apologized.  
It wasn't even exactly the cheating, it was the fact he thought he could do that to you, treat you like dirt and just get away with it, like there'd be no consequences, like you'd just sit there and take it.  
_“I don't owe you anything.”_  
You felt haunted by not only his words but him himself, you only caught rare glimpses of him around town, he was like a ghost, there one moment and vanished by the next.

You missed them all terribly, you wanted to be wrapped up in their arms and just kiss and make up, but you were prideful and stubborn like Kylo, you would stand your ground until you were given what you wanted.

It was getting close to a year, your loneliness had gotten the better of you, so you'd agreed to a date with a colleague from work.  
He was nice, not too bad to look at, not your boys, but still good, you just felt so empty sipping your lemonade across from him,It really wasn't his fault, your heart just wasn't in it. You felt terrible when Matt had told you it was okay to go out.  
_“I just want you to be happy, so if you think going out with this guy will do that, I want to be selfish and say no if I'm being honest but I don't have the heart to keep you from an chance at being happy.”_  
_“I still love you Matt, I still love all of you but-”_  
_“I know.”_  
You couldn't wait forever and you both understood it had to be this way, it was all or nothing with the Solos and you'd just have to settle for nothing.

Your date was walking you to your car, searching for the hints at a second date that you weren't giving when Kylo stepped out of the shadows.  
Your coworker squealed in surprise, you were weren't expecting him but you just stared at him expectantly  
“What do you want?” You asked  
He flicked his chin towards your car, now he wanted to talk? You glared but unlocked it leaving your date confused in the parking lot.  
You sat in silence in your front seat, it was dark and you were upset.  
You weren't furious like you were all that time ago, you wanted to hear what he had to say, but you were irritated that he would show up after all this time and then not say anything.  
“Either speak up or get the fuck out of my car Kylo.”  
“I see you still favor cursing at me, feels like you didn't do it so much before.”  
“Well sometimes things like the shit you did to me really change a person.”  
He ignored your comment, more interested in your attire, his eyes held a hunger you almost forgot he could have for you, you scoffed  
“Your date go well?”  
“It was going pretty okay before you showed up.”  
He leaned towards you in his seat, his scent filled your nose, his musk would have made you melt if you hadn't wanted to punch him.  
You missed him so much but he was trying to worm his way out of this instead of acknowledging what he did wrong.  
“You were absolutely bored with him and you know it (Y/n).”  
He placed a kiss to your neck and you pushed him away  
“Get the fuck out!”  
He looked startled, very uncommon for Kylo who seemed to struggle with human expression, he always kept his emotions to himself other than his anger you rarely knew how he felt, he always seemed to be in control.  
He looked like a wreck now that you took the time to really look at him, his clothes were rumpled, dark bags under his eyes, he was in desperate need of a haircut and a shave.  
You almost felt sorry for him looking into his glassy eyes.  
“I thought you were in love with us..with me.”  
“I am but it doesn't feel like you love me Kylo.”  
He ran his fingers through his messy locks, you kept talking  
“You just cut me off, you shut me out and treated me like shit for months and then refused to apologize when I found out you were literally sleeping with someone else, you made me feel like I didn't matter, I didn't deserve an apology because I wasn't important to you.”  
He looked like he wanted to defend himself but you felt like a burst dam finally letting all of this out  
“You tried to manipulate me into staying by threatening to take Matt and Ben away like you own them. They helped you cover up your cheating and isolated me in the process, you made me feel so alone in a house full of people and even now you don't want to acknowledge it.”  
He was still quiet, you were going to kick him out but he finally spoke  
“I know.”  
You looked at him, he looked so vulnerable and uncomfortable  
“You know? Is that it?”  
“No! No..it's not- I just don't know how to fucking fix this okay!?”  
You curled away from him out of reflex once he started yelling, he clamped up as you gripped the steering wheel.  
“I didn't mean to do that..(Y/n) I didn't mean to do any of it.”  
That pissed you off  
“You didn't mean to put your dick in someone else? Silly me this was a big misunderstanding then.”  
He looked frustrated with your tone but he centered himself, this was his fault  
“I meant I didn't mean to hurt you, I never had something like what we had before, even if I wasn't showing it that was the happiest I'd been in a long time, every time we'd all tried to date someone or separately I felt like the odd one out but you always wanted me to be included, you actually wanted me.”  
It was your turn to be quiet, you felt hot tears coming on as a lump developed in your throat at his words, of course you wanted him, who wouldn't?  
“We all had something good,and the only way my fucked off brain knows how to process that is completely fucking wreck it.”  
Your tears spilled out onto your cheeks, you knew he'd struggled with depression for almost a decade now, it was hard for him to feel like he deserved good things, deserved to be happy, to be loved.  
Hearing you'd made him happy softened you a bit, you’d always had a soft spot for him in your heart and you knew it.  
“I was just convinced I was the black sheep of our relationship, You, Ben, and Matt just knew how to connect. You could actually go out on dates, be like regular couples, but all I did was lock you up in my room and read you invasive poems.”  
You sobbed  
“God damn it Kylo I loved every one of those fucking poems and I still love you! I've always loved you, all I want is for you to apologize, I just want you to understand what you did, is that too much to ask for?”  
Your voice cracked and he was on you in a second, pulling you into his arms, it was uncomfortable with the middle console in the way but you didn't care.  
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I took so long to say it and that I made you feel alone I never want to do that to you.”  
You sobbed quietly, choking out a reply  
“What about Hux?”  
“I broke it off when you left the house, it was just sex, I promise I don't want to be with anyone else again I just want to be with you (y/n) please come back.”  
You placed a hand on his chest taking a deep breath  
“Kylo I missed you so much, I missed all of you, but I'm not sure I can trust you again, not yet anyways,I need time,can you be okay with that?”  
He nodded vigorously  
“Anything you need.”  
“Okay, I'll take you back, but we're all taking baby steps, no more hiding things from me together, you guys have always been close but I have to be part of that loop if I give you all a second chance.”  
He took your hand and nodded  
“I’ll tell them you're back.”

It took a while, there was a few fights before you eventually got everything sorted out, but you did and things felt right again, well as right as they could be. You were all cuddled in your bed, you had gotten the biggest one specifically for this purpose, you'd missed your house and your cozy life together. It wasn't always perfect, hell it was really hard sometimes but as you felt Kylo breathing against your chest, Matt’s nose in the nape of your neck, and Ben trying to creep his hand onto your exposed thigh, it was worth it.  
You had missed your boys.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah sorry if this is trash? I know I make a lot of paragraph breaks and stuff but that's how it sounds right in my head so bare with me please


End file.
